When Do You Say, “Yes, Dear”?

I have trouble keeping my mouth shut.  I believe that situations will improve if things are discussed, if people can communicate honestly, and if folks say what’s on their mind.  I’m really, really good about saying what’s on my mind.

This occasionally  causes conflict in my marriage.  So, I’m wondering . . . when do you just say “Yes, Dear.”?

I know all about “pick your battles” and I’m pretty good at that.  I mean, I do my absolute best to not argue over petty things, let little slights go, etc.  But when do the petty things add up to “too much!”?  When do the little slights turn into one big “F___ you.”?

I think the timing of discussions versus a simple “Yes, Dear.” is important.  I try to not start discussions late in the evening, when I know husband is tired from his long days at work.  I try to not interrupt when he’s in the middle of something.  But I also don’t believe there’s a “perfect time” for anything.  And, like I said, I find “Yes, Dear” very difficult in general.

Does it matter who’s right or who’s wrong?  Does it matter the degree of right-ness or wrong-ness??  Is it subject matter that’s important?  If I manage a “Yes, Dear”, is it fair to bring up the subject again later?  Is a “Yes, but . . .” reasonable?

O.k., I get that all those things are important . . . so maybe its just a matter of balance.  I know there’s not one right answer here.  Maybe I just need to practice “Yes, Dear” more and I’ll figure out the nuances.

Any suggestions?  When do you use “Yes, Dear.”?

Sparkly Purple Toenails

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Sparkly!!!

 

My day was going along o.k. until I had to listen to another tirade from my husband about how the world is ripping him off.  Ugh.

I promised myself that I was not going to use my new blog here to complain about my husband.  And I fully intend on keeping that promise.  So, let’s just say that he tends to be more pessimistic than I am.  I choose to believe in the good in people.  Maybe I’m naive in that regard but really, its what gets me through my day at times.

Believing in people . . . and sparkly purple toenails.  That’s what I’ve got to rely on sometimes.  And sometimes, when people aren’t quite doing it for me, it just comes down to “oh, hey, look, my toenails are sparkly purple and that’s happy.”

My 11 year old daughter picked out the polish that resulted in this crazy amount of sparkle.  Its a result of these polishes:  20170418_145200_resized

I call them my “Vegas show girl toes”.  And that’s happy.

Other happy things are the fact that my horses were delighted to find that my kids had made large ponds in my arena.  The horses thought these were super fun to play in.20170418_142831_resized

Watching horses splash in puddles is happy.  If I actually rode in my arena (rather than just turning my horses out in it), I might have been irritated that the kids made large ponds.  But, since I don’t ride in it (that’s a story for another day), and the horses thought the ponds were fun, well, that’s happy.

So, there, negative thoughts from husband’s tirade . . . . BE GONE!!!!

Replaced by the happiness brought to me by sparkly purple toes, horses splashing in puddles, and a general belief that most people are o.k.

Late Afternoon Lull

Made it home from work, went to the grocery store, stopped by the vet, managed to eat lunch (with just a little bit of ice cream involved), picked the kids up from school, and now I’d really like to just sit for a while.  I’d like to sit, stare out the window and watch the rain.

But no . . . I really need to unpack from work this morning and gather tomorrow’s client files (wonder if there are reports I have to read?), the groceries should be put away (don’t worry – the milk went straight into the fridge), school lunches have to be unpacked and remade, laundry is waiting to be folded, and the rest of the house needs to be cleaned up.

Then there’s dinner, horses to feed . . . blah, blah, blah. . . .

Can’t I just sit and watch the rain??

My accomplishment for the day was leaving the package of frosted sugar cookies at the store.  Good job, Me!!!

Husband just called to remind me that he’s done at work earlier than normal and will be home for dinner.  Yay?   That just means that all of the above has to be done that much sooner.

Its only Monday . . .

Dinner Successes!

For the most part, I’m responsible for dinner in our house.  My husband is one of those people who can just open the refrigerator, peer inside and, voila!!, about 20 minutes later something wonderful is on the table.  I am not one of those people.

Cooking for me requires planning, a recipe, and plenty of time to chop everything up.  Its a process.  I’m not saying I don’t enjoy cooking, I’m just saying that I need plenty of time to do it.

Husband likes bold, spicy flavors.  I tend to like things that are luscious and creamy.  So, I was super pleased with myself when I came up with a couple of dinner successes this week.  (Thank you Pinterest.)

First up was Chili-Lime-Mango Chicken:  http://www.cottercrunch.com/chili-lime-mango-marinated-chicken-bowls/  Time to find the perfect marinated chicken recipe you over and over again! Like this Gluten Free Chili-Lime Mango Marinated Chicken Bowl recipe. This Marinated Chicken recipe is super easy to make, healthy, dairy free, and delicious! A great way to learn how to cook with wine and use it in a light marinade.(The above is the photo off the website – mine wasn’t nearly as fancy looking!). The sauce is really a beautiful orange color and was easy to make.  The kids thought it was a bit too spicy even after I added extra orange juice and honey to try to tone it down a bit.  Best of all, husband liked it!!!

Next was One Pan Mexican Quinoa:  http://damndelicious.net/2014/04/09/one-pan-mexican-quinoa/One Pan Mexican Quinoa - Wonderfully light, healthy and nutritious. And it's so easy to make - even the quinoa is cooked right in the pan!

This was really, really easy to make.  My youngest wouldn’t eat it because she doesn’t like corn but everyone else in the house thought it was great.  It is super light and healthy.

Crossing my fingers for more yummy-ness next week!

Fewer Goals, Better Focus

I have a lengthy list of things I’d like to accomplish.  Unfortunately, I never make any sustained progress.  I’ll do good for a week or maybe two but then it all seems to fall by the wayside.  I’m frustrated by this and have been unable to find a solution.

Yesterday, it occurred to me that maybe I have too many goals.  Maybe I’m trying to accomplish too many things at once and therefore cannot focus and make progress on anything.  Here’s the current “goal list” (which has been the same for years):

Become fluent in Spanish.

Go back to riding my horse.

Train the pony to pull a cart.

Lose 10 pounds.

Actually do my physical therapy exercises twice a day.

Walk the dog daily, or at least every other day.

Get the kids to practice their respective instruments.

Focus on the positive – post a positive photo each day.

Do something on my “2017 List” – that’s a whole other list of things to do like “clean out my closet”, etc.

Make scrapbooks.

Decrease sugar; eat healthy.

I completely expect myself to make progress on all of those plus take care of daily life, which for me includes working as an attorney and all that goes along with having kids, a house, a husband, etc.

Is that unrealistic?  I’m beginning to think it is.

So, I’ve decided to try whittling down my goal list for a least a little bit.  I really struggle with feeling like I’m throwing in the towel.  But I’m hoping that fewer goals will equal better focus, which hopefully will lead to some actual progress and accomplishment.

I’m going to start with the goals that have to do with my health.  If I’m not healthy (which I am for the most part), riding, training the pony, traveling, and so many other things will be harder.  If I’m not healthy, it won’t matter if I’m fluent in Spanish or not.

Here’s the new goal list:

Walk dog – Exercise for me and the dog!

Do physical therapy exercises – PT was prescribed to rehab my torn Achilles and to hopefully prevent the other one from tearing.  Torn Achilles equals no riding or walking dog.

No eating right before bed – I’m not hungry so why am I sitting down with the entire carton of ice cream??  (I do love ice cream though.)

Decrease sugar, increase veggies, eat healthy – Hmmm . . . that’s all kind of vague.

Jump rope daily – My doctor strongly encouraged this for cardio and as a “weight-bearing exercise” to keep the calcium from leaching out of my bones.  Apparently I’ve reached the age where that starts to happen.  Currently, I can jump rope for 2 minutes before I feel like I’m going to die.

O.k., that’s enough!  See how my list just gets longer and longer?  That’s what happens to me!!!  Too many goals . . . unrealistic expectations . . . failure . . . feeling crummy about myself.

Its time for that to change.

I just need to start

I just need to start.  I don’t quite know yet what all my posts are going to focus on, probably a variety of things – my inability to actually accomplish any of my goals, daily life (work, kids, etc.), travels, books I’m reading, my struggle with eyeliner . . . pretty much whatever is on my mind.

And I’m trying to convince myself that’s o.k.  I just need to start.  I don’t need to wait until I have some super well-written, intelligent, fascinating thoughts.  If I wait for all of that to come together, I’ll never write anything at all!  Because, let’s face it, I’m not particularly special.  I’m just like nearly everyone else walking around on the planet – trying to figure things out, muddling through my life.

My inability to accomplish my goals does figure to be sort of a main topic.  I have this thought that writing about that problem will somehow help me to figure it out.  Maybe it will; maybe it won’t.  But I won’t know until I try.  And “trying” means writing a first post.  So, here I am.