I was making progress on a few of my goals. I was spending time in the barn, practicing Spanish (occasionally), walking the dog, feeling healthy, and, in general, just getting things done.
Yet once again, it has all come to a screeching halt. It started with end of the school year activities, my son graduating from 8th grade, etc. Then I got sick and was down and out for about 10 days. Since then, I haven’t been able to get back on track.
I’m frustrated and upset about it. But mostly, I’m just tired. And not quite sure what to do.
Last week I took my son to the doctor for his summer camp physical. I hopped on the scale . . . and was dismayed to find that I’m the heaviest I’ve been in a long time. 136.5 at 5′ 4″. Ugh.
I haven’t been walking my dog so he has a ton of energy and is up all night roaming the house, which is keeping me awake at night. So . . . not sleeping well. Plus, we’ve gotten in this pattern of not going to bed until midnight or so and then sleeping in. Also, not good.
I came up with the idea that I would be back on my horse by September 3. That’s the 20 year anniversary of my first horse’s death (thoughts of Tori still brings me to tears, nearly 20 years later). I lunged Slewy exactly twice and that was going on three weeks ago not. So much for good intentions.
One of my new excuses is that its harder with the kids being out of school. I don’t have a few hours to myself every afternoon. And I’m a person who desperately needs a few hours alone most days. But with the kids not in school, 1) they’re always around so there’s no down time for thinking, writing here in my blog or my journal, or much else of my own and 2) I do things with them (which I love and am not complaining about) – we go to the pool, go shopping, or who knows what. So, again, very little time to myself. Right now, this afternoon, I think is the first time since June 1 that I’ve had any time home alone. And I’m spending it writing and playing Hay Day rather than really accomplishing anything. But I’m so, so tired. I feel like I just need to sit for awhile.
O.k., so no answers really. Just complaints. Often writing helps me to sort things out in my head so maybe this is a way to start again. I don’t know. I’m tired of “starting again.”