Apparently, I need some lifestyle changes. After collapsing at work out of the blue (caused a huge commotion), I went to see my doctor yesterday. (I refused to go to the ER with the nice paramedics.) My doctor called me a “textbook case of the healthy person who drops dead from a heart attack.”
Well, hmmmm . . . She was concerned when I looked puzzled at her order to “spend the rest of the day doing something for myself.” I have plenty of things that I’d really like to do for myself but they never seem to happen. For example, 3 days ago I picked some fava beans, found a recipe and have been wanting to make soup. Fava beans are still sitting on my counter and they don’t seem to be making soup themselves.
How is that possible? How can I not even find time to cook food that I want to?? What the heck do I do all day? In my opinion, I don’t do much. But when I tell my girlfriends, “I did this and this and this today . . . nothing!” they’re like, “wow, you did all that?” My doctor says I tend to minimize.
So, o.k., I need to lessen my “constant state of stress and anxiety” (more doctor quotes) and that’s great but HOW?? How do I just start being different? How do I make space for myself?
I think I’ve asked this question before here in my blog. Maybe the better question is: How do I not feel guilty about making space for myself?
I mean, we’re not talking about me going on a shopping spree or something. We’re talking about soup!!! Healthy soup that the rest of my family could eat.
I did finally announce to my 12 and 14 year old kids that they get to make their own school lunches and unpack their lunch box when they get home this year. My husband was thrilled at this declaration. I’m not exactly sure why – he rarely if ever made their lunch; he just seemed to be upset that I made lunches for the kids. The kids were less than thrilled. Me? I felt guilty.