I live on the periphery. At least, that’s how it feels.
I drive around in my nice car. I have nice clothes. I always look “put together”. My outward demeanor tells you that I can handle anything. I smile. I come home to my nice house. I have nice kids who are straight A students. I have a nice, yellow lab. I ride horses. I travel. I like to read. And some days, I think I’m smart.
You assume that I have a lot of friends, go out, and have fun on the weekends.
But you’re not correct. And you don’t know because you don’t ask me to coffee or invite me out to lunch. If you and the other girls are going out for a drink, you don’t include me.
Why? I don’t know and you might not really know either.
I try to participate in conversations. “Oh, I really like chicken fried steak too!” And you tell me about the restaurant that has really good chicken fried steak, where you and the other co-worker are going out to lunch today. But then you turn around to finish discussing what time you’re going out to lunch and don’t invite me.
So I live on the periphery and am left to wonder why. Left to imagine what I’m doing wrong. I come home to my nice house, pet my nice dog, and drink my nice cup of coffee. Alone. I don’t always mind being alone but I so desperately want to be part of the group, want to be thought of as fun and someone you want to hang out with.
But apparently I’m not. So I live on the periphery.
I have trouble keeping my mouth shut. I believe that situations will improve if things are discussed, if people can communicate honestly, and if folks say what’s on their mind. I’m really, really good about saying what’s on my mind.
This occasionally causes conflict in my marriage. So, I’m wondering . . . when do you just say “Yes, Dear.”?
I know all about “pick your battles” and I’m pretty good at that. I mean, I do my absolute best to not argue over petty things, let little slights go, etc. But when do the petty things add up to “too much!”? When do the little slights turn into one big “F___ you.”?
I think the timing of discussions versus a simple “Yes, Dear.” is important. I try to not start discussions late in the evening, when I know husband is tired from his long days at work. I try to not interrupt when he’s in the middle of something. But I also don’t believe there’s a “perfect time” for anything. And, like I said, I find “Yes, Dear” very difficult in general.
Does it matter who’s right or who’s wrong? Does it matter the degree of right-ness or wrong-ness?? Is it subject matter that’s important? If I manage a “Yes, Dear”, is it fair to bring up the subject again later? Is a “Yes, but . . .” reasonable?
O.k., I get that all those things are important . . . so maybe its just a matter of balance. I know there’s not one right answer here. Maybe I just need to practice “Yes, Dear” more and I’ll figure out the nuances.
My day was going along o.k. until I had to listen to another tirade from my husband about how the world is ripping him off. Ugh.
I promised myself that I was not going to use my new blog here to complain about my husband. And I fully intend on keeping that promise. So, let’s just say that he tends to be more pessimistic than I am. I choose to believe in the good in people. Maybe I’m naive in that regard but really, its what gets me through my day at times.
Believing in people . . . and sparkly purple toenails. That’s what I’ve got to rely on sometimes. And sometimes, when people aren’t quite doing it for me, it just comes down to “oh, hey, look, my toenails are sparkly purple and that’s happy.”
My 11 year old daughter picked out the polish that resulted in this crazy amount of sparkle. Its a result of these polishes:
I call them my “Vegas show girl toes”. And that’s happy.
Other happy things are the fact that my horses were delighted to find that my kids had made large ponds in my arena. The horses thought these were super fun to play in.
Watching horses splash in puddles is happy. If I actually rode in my arena (rather than just turning my horses out in it), I might have been irritated that the kids made large ponds. But, since I don’t ride in it (that’s a story for another day), and the horses thought the ponds were fun, well, that’s happy.
So, there, negative thoughts from husband’s tirade . . . . BE GONE!!!!
Replaced by the happiness brought to me by sparkly purple toes, horses splashing in puddles, and a general belief that most people are o.k.