This is like my third attempt at this blog post. Ugh.
It was going to be about learning to be better to myself. But it was sounding lame, cliche, and uninteresting.
Its hard to be good to yourself. I’m not sure why, but it is. I’m trying. Today, I sat down at 11:00 and took twenty minutes to eat a lovely peach and some Marin Cheese Co. brie on my back porch. I love sitting on my back porch, looking out over the vineyard, sipping my coffee.
Twenty minutes just for myself seems so indulgent. But I’m beginning to understand that its really not. Just like texting with my friends and posting in my blog is not indulgent. Neither is taking the dog on a walk or working my horses.
Collapsing at work and having my doctor tell me that I need to follow up with a cardiologist (finally got an appointment) sort of puts things into perspective. But I’ve been surprised that I’m finding it so hard to be kinder to myself. I always have wondered about the people who are told, “If you don’t make lifestyle changes, you’re going to die” but fail to change. And, here I am . . . one of them!!
Its really easy to blame others: “My husband doesn’t help enough.”; “My job is too stressful.”; “I’m so busy with the kids’ activities.” But, realistically, it comes down to me, myself and I – my choices, my decisions and how I deal with the things life throws at me.
I can talk to my husband about our division of tasks. I can have my kids help out more and take on more responsibility because they are 12 and 14 years old now. I can find healthy ways to deal with my job and other stress. I can take a look at our household schedules and see if it can be managed differently.
And I can stop feeling guilty about 20 minutes on my back porch, drinking good coffee and reading the paper.