Applying Yesterday to Today

I had a really good day yesterday.  As I’m sitting here at my desk, munching a bowl of tortilla chips (hey, at least they’re in a bowl – I don’t just have the entire bag), I’m wondering why today wasn’t quite as productive and what I can learn from all of that.

So, what made yesterday successful and why didn’t those things happen today?

1.  No work yesterday; had to work this morning.  After work, I had some errands to run so I didn’t get home until after 11.  I grabbed something to eat and then had to run to Pilates.  After Pilates, I ran back home, finished lunch and just had a few minutes before I had to pick up kids from school and run kid-related errands.  I just got back home a few minutes ago.  So, today’s schedule was busier; I didn’t have all that free time to myself.

2.  Diet:  I ate better yesterday (no bowl of chips).  I’ve done pretty well with no sugar today so that’s one win.  Fridays are hard because Pilates is at noon exactly.  So I’m not really hungry before I go.  Afterwards, I’m starving so I come home and eat whatever is quickest, which often doesn’t equal healthiest.  I need to come up with a plan for Friday lunch.

3.  Horses got out yesterday and I played with my pet duck.  Today it rained.  Not much I can do about that.  And, with my schedule today, I didn’t have time to spend in the barn.  I do still need to go throw everyone hay.  I could spend a few minutes with Hazelnut the duck when I’m in the barn in a few minutes.

O.k., so there’s a few things I can change and a few things that are just out of my control (time at work, rain, errands – well, errands are sort of in my control).  But either way, I’m not feeling bad about today and that in itself is an accomplishment.

Things I did well today:

1.  Went to AAA to get some DMV stuff sorted out that I had been dreading.  It wasn’t as bad or difficult as I had made it up to be in my head.

2.  I’m taking the time to post here in my blog.  Even if no one else reads this, its important for me to do for myself.  So it counts as a “me” thing, which I’m terrible about making time for.

3.  I spent a little bit extra time at work today chatting with some friends.  We continued our conversation from the other day about how we’re going to make this year different and focus more on ourselves (we’re all wives, moms, working, etc.).  I realized that they really can be a good support for me (I struggle with feeling like I have friends).  On Monday we’re all going to report to each other what we did for ourselves this weekend.  I don’t want to let them down!!!

The biggest thing I accomplished today was not  beating myself up and maintaining a positive attitude.  Baby steps!

New Year, Same Goals, Same Challenges

So, its ten days into 2019.  I’m struggling with whether or not that really matters because, let’s face it, my goals are the same as they’ve been for years and so are my challenges.  That strikes me as sort of obvious because clearly I haven’t yet accomplished my goals.

I spent yesterday being fairly depressed over this.  Thoughts like, “what on earth makes me think this year is going to be any different??” kept running through my head.  I’m fabulous at making goals, making plans, coming up with new schemes to motivate myself, etc.  I suck at actually following through.  I’ve got no idea how to change that.  I mean, change that over the long run.  I can manage motivation for a day or two, sometimes even three!  But then, my “life” seems to get in the way and I’m back in the same rut.

I spent some time considering whether or not I’m actually unhappy.  Or whether or not the goals I have stuck in my head are really the ones I want to accomplish.  I didn’t really come up with answers to either of those questions.

What I do know is that I’m feeling better today.  I didn’t have to work today (I LOVE  not going to work) and I’ve managed to stay focused and get some things done.  Plus, its not raining so I was able to turn my horses out.  Working my way down from 30 some emails and getting through the pile on my desk always makes me feel better.  So why can’t I manage to do that every single day??  Not doing what I know makes me happier strikes me as insane but, that’s what I do.

Today I’ve tried to focus on the things in my life that I can control.  I can’t always control the weather (that affects work with the horses) and I can’t always control what my husband is going to drop on my desk for me to do.  But, I can control what I eat – that’s important because I struggle with my weight (I’m probably not overweight but I think I am) and I know that how I physically feel is directly related to my diet.  In other words, eating sugar all day makes me feel crummy.  But I LOVE sugar!!!

So, don’t eat a ton of sugar, right?  Right.  Seems simple enough.  (But so many things SEEM simple.)  So far, so good.  Breakfast was the egg bake casserole thing I made – a few potatoes, eggs, sausage and spinach.  Snack was some super yummy cheese and a tangerine.  Lunch was black beans, cheese and avocado on a tostado.  I have a plan for a cabbage and chicken salad for dinner.

Today is pretty simple because I didn’t have to work and I’ve had a lot of time to myself.  Tomorrow is busier and that’s when my struggles really start.  But, I’ve found my way through this morning.  Hopefully I can find my way through tomorrow too and feel o.k. about it at the end.

The Unicorns Are Going Camping

This was us in 2015:  https://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/23/us/girls-in-california-are-latest-to-seek-to-become-boy-scouts.html

Now, Cub Scouts are co-ed and Boy Scouts are admitting young women on February 1, 2019.  Its been a long road.  Here’s the link to a lovely “infographic” the Boy Scouts of America put out to explain the whole thing:  https://www.scouting.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/Family-Scouting_Infographic_v10-1.pdf

Unfortunately, most of my Unicorns have gone other directions.  But I’m starting a “linked” troop (see lovely infographic) on Feb. 1.  We’re excited!

Even though they can’t officially join until February 1, girls can do things with troops now to begin to explore what Boy Scouts is like, just as older Cub Scouts who are soon bridging to Boy Scouts have always done.

So, the Unicorns (well, two Unicorns) are going camping!  (Oh, for those of you who didn’t click on the link to the NY Times article, “the Unicorns” is the “patrol name” the girls gave themselves back in 2015.)

I’ve done a lot of Boy Scout camping with my son and is been a ton of fun, plus I think its been very positive for our relationship.  I’m really looking forward to finally being able to do the same with my daughter.  I’m looking forward to the opportunities Scouts will give her.  And I’m extremely proud of her for sticking with this process and remaining steadfast in her goal of being an Eagle Scout.

A word about Girl Scouts here – I think Girl Scouts is a good program and has many opportunities for young women, teaches great leadership, etc.  It just wasn’t the program for us.  I believe that people should have a choice and all of the same opportunities regardless of gender.  That’s why I pushed for Boy Scouts to go co-ed (its co-ed in the vast majority of the rest of the world and Girl Scouts / Girl Guides exists right alongside it.)  But there were moments, and still are, where I have my reservations.  I’m a big believer in traditions and I believe its important for both young men and young women to have their own space.  And all of that is probably for another blog post.

Because, in this post, I just want to say that its been a long road and I’m very excited for the Unicorns to be going camping with their linked troop.  And now, I need to go pack my backpack!

Squirrels and Frogs

Last Friday night, our power kept browning out.  After 5 or 6 hours of it, we called PG&E (our power company).  A truck arrived surprisingly fast.  The diagnosis:  Squirrels.  Squirrels had chewed through most of the main power line from the road to our house.  No, I did not have a pile of electrocuted squirrels in my yard.  I’m not sure exactly why . . . something about whether or not the squirrels were grounded while they were munching away.  (I don’t really understand electricity.)

Of course, this meant that our power had to be shut off to stop the browning.  I guess our appliances would have eventually been fried . . . or something.  So, there, we had our own personal power outage.  Yay.

Power outages at our house means no water either.  We’re on a well and the pump is electric.  Thankfully, we had all taken showers before we decided to call PG&E.  A crew came out Saturday morning to run a brand new line.  Maybe this one won’t be as tasty to our neighborhood squirrels.

And frogs . . . Last night I was on my way out of the house to dance class.  I was literally at the front door and already running late.  My daughter yelled at me, “Mom!!  I think my frog is stuck!!”  What?  Seriously?  A stuck frog?  So I dropped all of my stuff and walked down the hallway to her room.  Her little frog had wedged itself up in the corner of its aquarium and had one little froggy arm over its air hose.

I quickly thought through the problems in my head:  1)  The frog is jumpy!  Like, super jumpy!  If the frog got out, that would be the end of dance class because I’d be chasing the frog around the room for the rest of the night.  2)  The frog is little!  Which would make finding a loose, jumpy, frog all the more difficult.  3)  The frog’s skin is slightly poisonous (or so the pet store told me when we got it).  That meant I’d have to go find gloves if I were going to attempt to untangle the small, jumpy, frog.

With those things running through my mind, I quickly declared that the frog would be “Just fine!” and left for class.

That’s my life . . . electrical line eating squirrels and stuck frogs.

Overcoming Today’s Overwhelm

The week or so after my road trip with my Mom, I felt like my life was pretty chill.  I even made some progress on some longer term projects – like new artwork hung on the walls of our house.

That “chill” feeling has definitely gone out the window at this point.  Today, I’m back in the zone of “completely overwhelmed”.  This begins to happen when my “to do” list stops being a neat list and things are just scribbled on every corner of the paper.

  Its true that there are a few things crossed off, so clearly, I’m making some progress.  But its also true that there are bunch of things which need to be done but have not yet made it to the list; those items are just swirling around in my head.

So, faced with a busy afternoon, a large to do list, and a looming sense of never being able to get it all done . . . what am I going to do?  There’s got to be a way to tackle this, remain positive and avoid overwhelm.

Can my Road Trip Lessons help even here?  Maybe they can.

First . . . Sing!  Music helps move me along.  So, switch on the Pandora.

Second . . . Patience.  I have to remember that this includes being patient with myself.  Today, that means stopping Overwhelm in its tracks.  I need to stop, slow down, and take a look at what really needs to be done.

Third . . . Take time to appreciate the big and small things.  Right now, that’s going to mean eating lunch on my porch.  That always makes me happy and today, I’ll take the opportunity to remind myself that the things on my to do list are just a small part of life.  Some of the items on the list are necessary, to be sure, but that doesn’t mean they get to overwhelm everything else.

Fourth . . . Be grateful:  My afternoon is busy because my daughter is having friends over after school to get ready for tonight’s school dance.  There are lots of reasons to be grateful there – my daughter has good friends, she’s happy, she’s looking forward to the dance.  I need to focus on the reason for my busy afternoon, rather than simply that its busy.

O.k., those aren’t all the Road Trip Lessons but those are enough to get me started in a positive direction.  I’m off to eat lunch on my porch.

Practicing the Road Trip Lessons

A few days ago, I wrote about eight lessons I pulled from a 10 day road trip with my Mom.  I’ve tried really, really hard to put those into action this past week.  I’ve had some success and so, for maybe the first time, I feel like I’m actually sticking to a goal.  Yay!!!

The eight lessons are:

1.  Be Positive
2. Be Grateful
3. Live Joyously
4. Take the time to appreciate big and small things
5. Be Patient
6. Be Kind
7. Be Friendly
8. Sing!

Its really come down to re-framing things in a positive light.  For example, I was at work quite a bit longer than usual today.  Instead of my normal, “Uggghhhh . . . I was stuck at work Forever!!” thought, I looked at it as extra time to practice Spanish (which, I’m actually doing!).  That made the whole morning seem not so bad.

Another example:  My son’s high school promised to call him up to the office and tell him to take the bus home because I unexpectedly had to work.  The office staff neglected to do that and he didn’t get my text or email (cell signal at his school is pretty crummy, which is why I called the office).  So, when he called me about a half hour after school to inquire if I was picking him up, I was more than a little upset.  It caused a bunch of extra running around in my afternoon.  Normally, this would have set me up for a difficult afternoon because it put me behind, made me feel more overwhelmed than usual, etc.  Instead, when we all finally got home, I reminded myself that the important thing was that everyone got home.  And really, that IS what’s important, isn’t it?  That everyone is home and safe and, realistically, everything was o.k.  So what if dinner was going to be a bit later than normal?

I also worked on “Be Friendly” this week.  Instead of just saying “Good morning” to our door guy at work, I’ve taken the time to ask how he is.  Hopefully, that’s brightened his day a bit.  I know that its made me feel better.  At first, for some unknown reason, I was a little apprehensive to follow “Good morning” with “How are you?”  Not sure why . . . I’ll approach complete strangers when I’m traveling.  I’ve said “Good morning” to Wayne most mornings for the past ten years!

So, one week of practice down.  So far, so good.

 

Road Trip Lessons

I just got back from a 10 day road trip with my Mom.  We went to Sequoia National Park, Las Vegas, Zion National Park, Bryce Canyon National Park, and Salt Lake City.  We saw a lot of pretty, interesting, places.  That’s me putting a positive spin on the trip.

My Mom is a “glass half-empty” person.  O.k., honestly, that’s putting it mildly.  Honestly, it seemed as though she has the ability to be not quite happy with anything.  I mean, she would say that whatever view we were currently gazing upon was “pretty” but that was followed by “wouldn’t it be nice if (for example), there was just a light dusting of snow.”  After about day three of this, I finally got frustrated and said, “Its pretty right now!!!!”  She got mad.

But, for the most part, I held my tongue.  And I’m pretty proud of that because holding my tongue is not something I’m especially good at.  At some point, I decided to try to squeeze something positive out of the trip, rather than just be silently insane for the entire 10 days.

Lesson #1:  Be positive.  Observing my Mom’s negativity really made me aware of life-sucking negativity is.  Both for the negative person and for those around them.  The trip was ten days practice of putting a positive spin on things.

Lesson #2:  Be grateful.  I’m sure that some of the vistas, o.k., even all of the vistas, are lovely with a light dusting of snow.  But they were all beautiful just the way they were.  Stop and appreciate what you have.  Stop looking for the next best thing.  That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dream or wish for something; but don’t let that cast a pallor over what  you’ve got right now.

Lesson #3:  Live joyously.  Get excited about stuff!  Big stuff and little stuff.  Don’t be shy about your joy.  It will kind of be contagious to those around you.

Lesson #4:  Take time to appreciate both big and small things.  Whether its a good cup of coffee, a lovely dinner or an incredible view, stop and take a minute (or two or three) to really let it soak in.  And then be joyous about it!  (See Lesson #3.)

Lesson #5:  Be patient.  This one is super hard for me.  But really, where have we all got to be in such a rush?

Lesson #6:  Be kind.  Everyone has got their reason for doing stuff a particular way.  Maybe that reason is apparent; maybe its not.  But try to realize that it makes sense to them.  And realize that you probably do some stuff that ticks other people off too; but it makes sense to you.

Lesson #7:  Be friendly.  In national parks, I’ll often approach folks who I notice are taking a picture of each other, separately.  I’ll walk over and ask, “Would you like me to take a photo of you together?”  9 times out of 10, they’re delighted!  My Mom was sort of horrified the first time I did this.  “What are you doing??” she asked.  “Making folks’ day a little bit better!”  I replied.  I’m hopeful that kindness and friendliness will spread.  Maybe someone will go offer to take another group’s photo.

Lesson #8:  Sing.  That’s right . . . sing.  I’ve found that its pretty darn hard to be unhappy and negative when you’re singing.  Turn on the radio, in the car or at home, and sing.  Sing loud.  You’ll feel better.  Try it; it works.

So . . . there.  I’m proud of myself for pulling something positive out of this trip.  Before I left, I was working on a month of being kind.  I know that I tend to focus on trying to make too many changes at once and therefore make progress on nothing but I think I’m going to focus on the above lessons for the month of September.  My 10 days practice has me off to a good start.

 

Drowning for Others

Last night I felt like I was drowning again . . . drowning in doing things for others.  My daughter is going to be 13 on Monday.  For what seems like days now, she’s been freaking out because she can’t decide exactly what she wants to do for her birthday – movie in movie theater or at home?  Sleepover or no sleepover?  Ice cream cake or regular cake?  What friends to have over?  Broccoli beef for dinner with friends or just with family?  Its gone on and on and on.  Nothing I suggest makes her happy or is a satisfactory answer.  She came up with this cake that she wants me to make:

Thank you, Pinterest!!  Its within my ability to make that but it would take me a lot of time and likely involve a bit of swearing.

Last night, my Mom came over so we could finish planning our upcoming road trip to Glacier National Park.  I’m not quite sure why I offered to take her on this trip, but I did.  Yay.  (Oh, wait, I’m working on being positive.  And that wasn’t  positive.)

Husband wanted me to read a letter for him.  I proofread almost everything he writes before it goes out.

Son wanted me to review photos with him because he needs to send some off to someone today.

The demands just went on.  I finally ate dinner at 9:45.  And then I washed the pot son had made pasta in because son and daughter had a huge fight over who’s responsibility it was to wash pot.  Son had made pasta and said his sister ate some so she needs to wash pot.  She absolutely denied eating any of that pasta (apparently she ate other pasta) and so didn’t have to wash the pot.  I’ve got no idea who ate what pasta.  Nor do I really care.  Do you know how many times I wash dishes, pick up stuff, read stuff, clean stuff, that’s not  mine???

O.k., I think that’s my rant for today.  What am I doing today, right now, to stop the drowning and get back to my happiness project?

I took the time to again dress better, rather than resorting to my tired, but comfortable, old clothes.

I got my haircut (which sort of upset me but that’s another story).

I’m taking the time to post here.

Forward . . .

Day 2 Difficulties

Yesterday was a little rough.  One of those days where I bounce from thing to thing with only a few minutes in between.  I don’t do well on days like that.  I wind up feeling overwhelmed, scatter-brained, and crabby.  My kids will tell you all about it.

So that was yesterday.  Today’s schedule is more of the same.  Plus, I have weekend guests arriving this evening.  But, I’m focusing on the positive things I did and am doing rather than what I’m going to or should do.

Yesterday I took my vitamins.  I know – it seems really simple and like a tiny, tiny step but that’s where I’m at folks.  I was early to the meeting with my new boss.  I’m often late so that was an improvement.  The meeting didn’t go very well (in my opinion) but I’m trying really hard not to pick it apart in my head.  I got a project off my personal desk at home so that’s something accomplished.  I planned food for this weekend and went to the grocery store.  I do better with a plan when it comes to things like cooking.

Today I’m trying hard to work on  my negative thinking.  For example, on my way home from work, I saw a woman pushing a stroller down the sidewalk.  My first thought was, “Those are ugly mom shorts she has on.”  I caught that and changed it to “That’s nice that she’s out on a walk.”  I mean, really, who am I to judge some stranger’s shorts??  Geez.  That’s terrible.  I’m embarrassed to admit that I’m that negative and judgmental.  But I am.  Admitting it and being aware is the first step to doing something different, right?

I took my vitamins again this morning.  Oh!  Yesterday I ate some cherries instead of soothing myself with ice cream.  I’m having cherries again now.  I like cherries.  They’re kind of expensive but I buy them because they’re a healthy snack I like.

I’m sitting here writing a post instead of manically cleaning my house because I have guests coming.  Writing is good for me.  And, realistically, my house is always pretty picked up and clean.  I don’t think our friends will mind a bit of dog hair on my floors (o.k.., on my couch too).  I made the effort today to dress better and put on jewelry rather than just resorting to jeans and a t-shirt.  I feel better when I dress better.  I even hired a personal stylist / shopper awhile ago.  So I have all these fabulous clothes but often I don’t make the effort to put them on.  That’s silly.

O.k., so now I feel like I’ve taken a few minutes out of my busy day for me.  And I’m feeling pretty good about that.  Now . . . off to driving kids here and there for the rest of the day.

Changing the Narrative

The ongoing narrative in my head is mostly negative.  “I screwed that up.”  “I should have done that differently.”  “I’ll never be able to figure this out.”  “I don’t have time for myself.”  And so on.  In talking to my few friends, it seems that’s common for other women as well.  I wish I knew why that was.

It occurred to me the other day that negative self-talk does not have to be the default.  I have the power to change the default setting.  I can change the messages I tell myself.

I’ve been feeling extremely stuck in my life so I decided that’s a place to start.  My first new message is:

“I am not stuck. I have the ability to make change.  I can make new choices.”

I followed that up with a few general positive statements:

“I am confident.  I am competent.  I am smart.  I make good decisions.  I have the ability to figure things out.”

And then, a few goal-specific items:

“I have the ability to ride my horse.  My horse is not beyond me.”  And . . . “I have the ability to learn Spanish.  I will practice Spanish and the learning curve will be o.k.”

It might sound ridiculous but I literally repeat these statements to myself over and over and over . . . when I first get up in the morning, several times throughout the day, and when I get in bed at night.

I think its making a difference.  I’ve felt a bit more motivated, gotten a bit more accomplished, and well . . . I just feel better, like, more able to overcome obstacles.  The challenge is going to be making it stick.  I’m usually good at things for a day or two.  So, the fact that I’ve reached day 3 or 4 here is an accomplishment in itself.

Happiness is hard but I’m convinced that its worth it.